What's in a Name?

It occurs to me that perhaps I should change the name of this blog, assuming that's possible. My original focus was on violence, particularly in schools, as a public health issue. Weaving in my interests in conflict resolution, mediation, etc. but also using my social work experience to take into account the interplay of the systems which perpetuate or hinder the violence. Push for prevention. Person in environment. . .

As I just missed an application deadline for a youth coordinator position for the L.A. County Bar Association (a job in which I'd do CR training in schools as well as work with families, design curriculum, etc.) I'm reminded of just how little time I give to my studies on the topic anymore, and yet it remains one of my passions. I would still love to get my PhD at Berkeley researching effective programs and then using my macro skills to get those programs implemented. I haven't lost sight of that.

But right now it seems as if, largely due to the structured work at hand, I'm on the HIV/AIDS - comprehensive health education - reproductive rights track. And this has a hold of me too. I am not expressing unhappiness in my situation. I suppose I just worry in that they are both public health issues and though there is some overlap, it is nearly impossible to focus on either to the depth I would prefer.

I oscillate between breadth and depth fairly regularly. I'm not the type who prefers one to the exclusion of the other, but when I'm learning about something and then working to apply the knowledge, I hate the idea of all other responsibilities and demands for my time. I'm learning. Shouldn't that count for something. Can't I come back to the rest later?

And it also comes down to the common fear of "what if I make the wrong choice?". What if I focus the next year or two I remind myself that in social work, this kind of shift is almost inherent and its flexibility is why I opted for an MSW in the first place.

I started writing this months ago and instead of finding an answer, I've dropped the ball almost completely. It seems a bit too personal to write about at length, here, but living my life without a sense of purpose and direction doesn't really feel like living at all. . .