Running Groups

I'm losing my thoughts, left and right, with increasing regularity. It's a problem. At any rate, I ran the first session of a solution-focused group for five third grade boys, last week. The intern who will co-facilitate had another meeting to attend, so another intern (at the end of her placement) sat in.

Thus far, this kind of "support" feels to be more of a hindrance than a help. I don't like being observed. In fact, I hate it. I feel much more confident and competent just walking in and doing it on my own. I understand the principle of having a kind of human lifeline in the room is supposed to decrease the anxiety, but that's really not my experience: it makes me want to bolt. I know a lot of it stems from my insecurities and irrational convictions related to my perceptions of constant judgment by others. I'm trying to get over that. This first group, however, also brought up the beginnings of quasi-ethical (perhaps, more ideological) points of contention and reminded me of just how hard it can be to run a group with another person.

For me, when I'm in a teacher's classroom, I try to adhere to his/her version of "appropriate behavior" as much as possible, without sacrificing my own values and ceasing to function as my authentic self (or whatever). It's a different beast, however, when a session is on your turf. This first session was particularly difficult in that the intern with whom I was co-facilitating would only be there the once and I, as previously mentioned, was experiencing my typical anxiety related to the presence, observations, and perceived judgments of my "superiors".

Also: they're boys. Boys after recess. And I'm comfortable with a level of "chaos" that others find infuriating. In my opinion, they weren't horrible at all. Testing, sure; but that's what kids are going to do the first time they're in a new group, with a new adult: test. Of course, I'll sit in on a classroom lesson with my supervisor and the "calling out" and volume that she's OK with makes me want to climb out of my skin. These boys know each other well and this, of course, impacts the dynamics of the group. We discussed group guidelines and they talked over one another regardless. Fairly quickly, they began to police each other, but without any real thought as to how what they said about another child could also be reflected back on themselves. This isn't surprising and while it wasn't my favorite thing, I felt confident that a shift could be made in future sessions.

What threw me was the co-facilitator's response to the kid-on-kid policing: she loved it. She said that it would only become more pronounced and spoke of this as an extremely positive thing. I think I see where she's coming from, in that such self-regulation potentially speaks to group cohesion, but with kids, group process functions a bit differently. Kids calling each other out and putting each other down for not sitting up or talking out of turn doesn't feel right. Maybe it's because there is such a disconnect between what they're saying and what they're doing. To me, it seems more that they reprimand each other for the purpose of gleaning individual attention from the adult facilitators, not because they feel the group suffers from such disregard of agreed upon rules. And the other intern was clear to say that she did not allow for personal put-downs (i.e. "that's stupid" or "shut-up"), but these kids possess not an ounce of tact and when they instruct another child to sit up, it sure sounds like a personal attack.

So, how much of this is just me? Is there a right or wrong? The other intern intimated that best-practice was to let the kiddos work out these issues completely on their own. I have a strong bias toward following the rules by demonstrating the rules, otherwise it feels like this hypocritical free-for-all. I guess I'll see how the group goes this week and what differences there will be with the introduction of N. as co-facilitator. To be continued. . .